GRE English Comprehension

I have Google news set to give me stories about a variety of things, from human remains to classical archaeology. One of the words it searches for is forensics. Today, I got this story that mentioned the word from ABC Sport in Australia. Try as I might, even after 2 complete read-throughs, I have absolutely no idea what this story is about. Read the story and test your English reading comprehension below!

Oliver claims first Golden Slipper with Forensics

Damien Oliver claimed the only major trophy missing from his collection by taking out the $3.5 million Group One Golden Slipper aboard Forensics at Rosehill this afternoon. Oliver, a winner of all the major Australian Group One races including the Melbourne Cup, Caulfield Cup and Cox Plate, gave Forensics ($13.70) a plum sit one back for much of the race and fought off a stern challenge from Zizou ($9.40) in the final stages. Meurice ($7.40) finished third to round out the placegetters in the world's richest race for two-year-olds. Trained by John Hawkes, Forensics, a daughter of stallion Flying Spur, himself a winner of the race, proved too strong as the 1,200-metre event turned into a match race between the top two finishers.

Oliver, who spent a year out of the sport with a back injury sustained in 2005, said he was elated to finally win the race that had eluded him for so long. "This really caps my comeback," he told Channel Nine after the race. "I just can't believe a year ago I was out injured, I'm just so happy to be back amongst it and winning the big ones. I'm tingling all over I can't believe it, it's the best feeling. I wish anyone could feel what I'm feeling now." The result capped a remarkable day for Oliver, who also took out the $2.25 million Group One The BMW on Blutigeroo with a tactically brilliant rails-hugging ride over 2,400 metres.

In the other Group One races, Miss Finland confirmed her status as the premier three-year-old in the country with a hard-fought victory in the Arrowfield Stud Stakes. In the George Ryder Stakes Haradasun, half-brother of 2004 Caulfield Cup winner Elvstroem, put a series of ordinary performances behind him with a commanding win for trainer Tony Vasil.

And now for a test of your reading comprehension:

1) What kind of race is this?
a. dogs
b. colts
c. toddlers
d. all of the above

2) If Forensics is $13.70 and Zizou is $9.40, how much do they total?
a. 50¢
b. $23.10
c. 200 lbs
d. none of the above

3) What is a synonym for "plum sit one back"?
a. billabong
b. corroboree
c. figjam
d. donger

4) Doesn't Miss Finland have anything better to do in her own country?
a. Miss Finland is a contestant, you moron. A beauty queen can't be 3 years old.
b. Sure she can. Remember Jon-Benet Ramsey?
c. Be that as it may, Miss Finland is still an animal.
d. Damn straight, she's a root rat. My donger's still sore from having a naughty with her.

1) d. Toddler-dog-horse racing, or Digeridoo, is an old Maori sport whose tradition is carried out to this day in Australia.
2) d. Although a. is an obvious choice, since $23.10 Australian when converted into real money is about 50 cents, the correct answer is d. Forensics and Zizou can both be sold to the Elmer's glue factory, netting a tidy sum of $500 each or $1,000 total.
3) d. Damien Oliver, riding Forensics, obviously sat sideways, leaving one "plum" sitting back on the horse. The closest Australian slang term is donger, a synonym for penis.
4) d. Duh.

How did you do? :)


Anonymous said…
Sicko...Ms. Finland's a horse!

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